With the amazing amount of rain we have been getting here in NC this spring, creek boaters everywhere are calling in sick, avoiding family obligations, and dissing boy/girlfriends. NOAA weather predictions produce a flurry of discussion on message boards and superstitious boaters will scold others for mentioning “sure” rain and jinxing everyone. Boaters will begin to spend hours analyzing weather patterns and checking online rain and river gauges. Confused teachers and bosses will be trying to figure out the mysterious 24 hour sicknesses that coincide with heavy rains. Creeking season has been EXTENDED!

Creeking is usually thought of as a run with steep drops, epic portages, and slides long enough to make a water park jealous. But creeking is much more than that. So, how do you know if you are a member of this elite subset of whitewater boaters?

You know you are a creekboater if:
1. You can’t tell your mom about most of the rivers you paddle.
2. When staring at Niagra Falls you catch yourself looking for a line.

3. There is brush in your grab handles.
4. You live in an apartment, but own two chainsaws.
5. Going for a swim will later require dental work.
6. You have more experience with pins than Hulk Hogan.

7. If you’ve ever woken up to find your drytop frozen to the clothes line.
8. You spend more time on slides than your 8 year old.
9. Swimming involves serious injury.

10. There is a mouthguard in the pocket of your PFD.
11. You have ever had icicles hanging from your helmet.
12. “It can’t be done” is an acceptable challenge.
13. You enjoy practicing getting “beat down”.
14. You have time to rail grab on your boofs.

15. You have started coming up with new ways to pronounce “portaged”.
16. The hike out is harder than running the river.
17. You need 4 wheel drive to get to the put in of your favorite run.
18. You have used your kayak as a sled.
19. You know how to rig up your kayak as a backpack using one NRS strap.
20. You have pictures of yourself hiking through the snow with your boat.

21. There is a football facemask attached to your helmet.
22. You’ve broken more paddles than the Werner R&D department.
23. There’s something sloshing around in your boat, but it’s too warm to be water.
24. A really good paddling day will involve some bleeding.

25. You encourage friends to try impossible moves then enjoy watching the show.
26. That last rapid had more moves than your cousin Larry on singles night.
27. You can predict rain more accurately than the meteorologist on channel 12.
28. You have ever arrived at the river and found people ice skating.

29. The last river you paddled has dished out more beatings than Brock Lesnar.
30. You know the story behind “Gorilla”.
31. There is climbing equipment in your boat.

Finally, if you drive 4 hours away from all civilization, up on a mountain, down a series of endless dirt roads, and when you get there you still know everyone in the parking lot, you are definitely a creek boater, welcome to the club!

Hope this made you laugh!

edgar